


God Help the Girl

by wordsbysydney (sydkang)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 12:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2428145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydkang/pseuds/wordsbysydney





	God Help the Girl

_There is no way I'm looking for a boyfriend. There is no way I'm looking for a scene._

"We know HYDRA, and I bet there are people there that don't want to be - who have been cajoled or convinced or even brainwashed into working for them."  
"This is dangerous" Coulson said, closing the file that detailed Simmons' plan to go undercover.  
"I know," she replied, nodding, hands folded in front of her. She made a conscious effort to not fidget - she needed to prove that she had a steely demeanour as well as a plan.  
"Did you tell Fitz?"  
"No, and I'd appreciate if you didn't either. I don't want him worrying about me on top of everything else he's going through or trying to stop me from going or convince me that I should take him with me or..."  
"Okay, okay," Coulson said, raising his hands in defeat. "I will maintain your cover if that's what you want."  
"Yes, it is. I need to do this."

 

  _I need to save some dough. I'm a working girl you know. I'll fend attention off; I keep to myself._

"So, Agent Simmons huh? Ex-SHIELD, two PhDs, field experience. Excellent credentials, although I doubt you'll be doing any field work with HYDRA."  
"So I have the job then?"  
"We're always looking for assets."

 

_I love my room, I'm getting used to sleeping. Some nights I really like to lie awake. I hear the midnight birds, the message in their words! The dawn will touch me in a way a boy could never touch; their promise never meant so much to me_

Simmons was lying in the dark. Awake, but lying in the dark. Just in case. It would be questionable if they saw she had trouble getting to sleep. She did a lot of things "just in case" since she joined - no, infiltrated - HYDRA. Carried a gun, double and triple checked her locks, dead drops to communicate with SHIELD, not stocking her apartment with too many personal affects (just enough that she didn't look ready to flee) - all done just in case she was being watched or listened to. She didn't want to do anything questionable.

 

_You have been warned. I'm born to be contrary. Backward at school, I wrote from right to left. Teacher never cared for me. Preacher said a prayer for me,_

"New girl, right?"  
"Yes, Jemma Simmons," she extended a hand to the man scowling in front of her. He dropped his gaze to her hand for a moment, and then ignored it.  
"This is your station, this is what you'll be working on," he guided her to a microscope and some samples, handed her a black lab coat, and walked away. "Don't screw up new girl."

 

_'God help the girl, she needs all the help she can get'_

Don't screw up Jemma. You screw up you may be killed. Or captured for information. You are risking a damn lot for this. You are risking your life and your friend's lives and everything else. Don't screw up. Don't screw up. Don't you dare screw up.

 

_I sit for hours just waiting for his phone call. I'll eat the chocolate hidden in the fridge._

Her fridge was empty. Again. In all her worrying, she consistently forgot about groceries. She grabbed a beer and sat down at the kitchen island. It had been a long boring day. It was one of those days where she felt what had left behind. She missed working on projects she cared about. She missed not having to look over her shoulder all the time. She missed working with people she cared about and she missed having someone she could have an actual conversation with.

 

_I'll play his messages. Analyze his intonation._

She'd gotten into a habit lately. Playing and replaying conversations in her head. Sometimes she caught herself smiling or laughing or even talking aloud to herself.

 

_Please stop me there, I'm even boring myself._

It was not a good habit. If someone from HYDRA caught her doing it and they questioned her and her loyalties were to come into question...no, she wouldn't go there.

 

_I think of him when I'm doing the dishes. I think of him while looking in the sink. This ain't no play on words, my love for him's absurd. If he gave me a sign, I'd think about it for a week, I'd build it up and then I'd turn him down._

Simmons woke up in a cold sweat, feeling like she was drowning.  _'In through your nose, out through your mouth,_ ' she thought, steadying her breathing. It was the nightmare she always had: bottom of the ocean with Fitz, dying, running out of air, and Fitz pressing that damned button before she'd had a chance to figure something else out.

The shaking in her hands was subsiding and her heart rate felt like it returning to baseline. She looked at the glowing numbers on her bedside table.  _5:20._  God, she needed to find something to do if she was going to wake up this early every morning.

 

_You have been warned. I'm born to be contrary. Backward at school, I wrote from right to left. Teacher never cared for me. Preacher said a prayer for me._

"You understand what you are to do?" Simmons looked up from what she had been told to read.   
"I am not doing this."  
"You're the only one who can Agent Simmons."  
"You have plenty of other scientists."  
"None like you."  
"Well...that may be true, but I refuse to do something so..." She trailed off. She had worked so hard to get where she was, learned so much, contributed and helped SHIELD, but this was a line she couldn't cross.  
"I thought you were loyal to HYDRA."  
"That may be so, but I am not a sheep; I won't do harm using science. I can't."  
"Well then, I most certainly can't force you to, but I do hope you'll change your mind."

 

_'God help the girl, She needs all the help she can get'_

"She refused."  
"Well then, bring Agent Simmons up. I'm sure she will choose to comply."


End file.
